After that fateful day, I kind of broke down when I realised that Neil would not be around me anymore. I had loved him with so much passion, so much devotion and such lust! If only he could have seen it...he was just so gentle and soft...and not in a sissy way! No, not at all...he was like a warrior coming home after months of war, finally finding his lover, sweeping her off her feet..ah, those times were great!

Ugh, stupid Amanda!

I tried to make my peace with the fact that Neil's essence would not make my day anymore, that his sound would not bring me to the world where only Neil and I resided. I didn't fret, I didn't cry. Well, except for that one day of howling I did when he died but that's a different story....it was kind of dampened by my annoyance at his killing himself.

I thought that I was doing well on the whole getting-over-Neil-Patrick thing till a week after his funeral. I was asleep when I had this really weird feeling, one that I only had on long journeys that made me nauseous. I woke up and as a reflex, ran to the bathroom...only to throw up. I paid no attention to it since just the previous day, my father had invited his friend from Pakistan and the cooks had been instructed to prepare traditional Pakistani food. That had been unsuitable for my digestion and hence, the throwing up was justified. But that didnt explain the four subsequent throwing up sessions I had. So, I finally gave in and called a physician home, swearing him to secrecy about whatever happened between us.

It was true. I was, in fact, pregnant with Neil's child.And I didn't know what to do about it.

I know that now it's not a big deal. US and UK have the largest number of teenage and single woman pregnancies. But back then, it was pretty grave, having your own child without a father. Neil and I had been secretive because my mum and dad would have freaked out had they known that I was in love with one of the men of the rival counties. Neil was the Count of Kent and York hated Kent. So, my parents hated Kent, too. The only person who knew about us was Amanda (May she never rest in peace).

So, I was blank.

I was twenty seven, single and pregnant.