As you are aware, I was royally recognised and so was Grey and so were all my other lovers (well, why else would they be called my lovers? ;) )

There was Neil Patrick, who was the Duke of Chester; then there was Lord James (need I say more?....ah! Lord James!); there was Louise who was a well reputed doctor among us royals, and hence, had an agreeable position in the society, and then there was Grey...the best-I-ever-had Grey...the gay Grey! -.-
He was the Count of Northampton.

So, my point is, all my lovers were reasonably well established in the royal circle and all of them had established equivalent wedlock terms. In other words, they came to marry the cool and awesome royals. Me :D

Well, except for Grey. And I had never heard of his marriage. Not that that would have stopped me from playing with the lusts of the flesh, no. I would still have seduced him because he was clearly working under my spell. They all do, really ;)
But there had to be a reason I had never heard of the wedding of the great Count of Northampton. Our society, and indeed any society, made a huge deal out of weddings. So whenever I got married, people knew. That was how my image of a polyandrist became well known.
Not just me, whenever anyone got married, the whole society knew. But this was one marriage that no one ever spoke about.
There was a reason.
I had to find it out for myself. I just had to. But I didn't know who I could approach. I would have asked Alcoholic Anita, but she was proving as useful as a dung beetle, so she had to die. Useless people annoy the hell out of me. And someone like Anita...well, you get my drift.

There had to be someone...Lancaster was full of creeps like that!
Someone would know. Someone who knew about the history of the families of George and Hemendip.
Then it hit me.
Andre Murdoch. Patricia Pollock.
They would answer my queries.

Andre Murdoch was this little creep I knew from my childhood days. He was in my school. Ours was a private school where we had people from the royal families and people from the rich households who had attained their wealth mainly from investments in the secondary sector (that was the time of the Industrial Revolution). The royal people hated the rich ones. The royalty was totally at the risk of falling because people had suddenly developed feelings for democracy and that sort of shit. I'm not saying democracy is bad. But if it puts people like me out of business, then to hell with better governments! :p :/
So, basically my family hated the guts of the Murdoch family. The Murdoch family was of mixed Spanish and French heritage (so there's an added reason to hate them!) AND they were doing good in the cotton business. And since my family hated their family, I hated Andre. But there was more to why I hated Andre and his little weird girlfriend, Patricia Pollock (don't ask me why they had such strange names).
More on that later!
But I did know that Andre Murdoch and Patricia Pollock got married soon after school, started some sort of business in Swansea, suffered terrible losses due to lack of business (although, I don't know how that could happen, considering their strategic location that incorporated sea routes for excellent export purposes. Just saying :p)
I had to find Andre Murdoch and Patricia Pollock.
I had to find Shontelle Jay.
I had to LEAVE LANCASTER! ASAP! The city freaked me out like crazy!

But there was another problem. I didn't know where to find them.
And as an added charmer, I had nowhere to stay.
Again. -.-

So I walked on....and on....and on....till I was well out of the city and approaching the outskirts.
THAT had to be exciting :/

I finally found a hilltop tavern.
The tavern existed because there was a winery a little further off.
Sterna Winery, it was called.
A bloke from Paphos owned it.
Eh, not that I cared about who owned it.
All I cared about was the fact that I found a tavern. I could find a bed. I could sleep.
Granted that my sleep would be guided by strange dreams, this was more than welcome.
Plus, I could finally get a hot bath. I was a pathetic mess.

So I climbed up the little hill's steps and entered the tavern, only to find no one at the reception.

"Excuse me?" I said, starting to get the feeling that no one would turn up.
But someone did turn up a few seconds later.

"Good Evening, miss", he said with a husky voice. Nay, almost whispered.
One glance at him helped me study his profile.
He was not the tallest figure I had seen, but he wasn't short either. Medium height. He was dressed in a light grey suit, his pocket watch dangling the regular way. Everything was regular, and yet everything was not.
Then I realised.
He was grinning.
Douche.
I didn't know what it was...but there was something in his grin. Like a combination of "innocent" and "pure evil".
For several seconds, he continued to grin, but didn't say a word.

"Good evening", I said. "I am Zxy Hemendip. And I require lodging."
"Aye, aye", he drawled. Several seconds later. And he was so soft-spoken, it was just annoying. I wanted to shout out, "Speak up, doofus!"
Of course, I didn't.
See, 'cause I'm a nice person.
It's true.
I'm polite.
At least in the first meeting.
Because the first impression is the last impression.

"I do have something suitable available", he finally said after the longest pause I had ever seen. Longest ever, following the question as to whether or not he'd give me a room.
He smiled sheepishly. But didn't say a word.
Gawd. Does he ever talk? :/
He handed over a key to me. Said, "I'm afraid...ours is a small establishment. It's just me tonight", he added with a glint in his eyes.
In his red eyes.
Probably sleep deprived, but even so.

"Lead the way, please", I said, not knowing what else to say. What DO you say to a guy who wouldn't say anything?

I followed him upstairs and he led me to the far end of the passage.

"Here it is", he said, smiling again.
The innocent-evil smile.
Gawd.

"Thank you", I said as graciously as I could.

He bowed and was about to leave, when I stopped him: "Excuse me...?" I said, looking at his badge for his name.
Humming Jambiya.
WTF? :O
"Mr. Jambiya", I swallowed. "I was wondering...if you could help me a little."
He smiled.
"Of course, Ms. Hemendip", he said.
"Please come in", I invited him in. Such interrogation cannot take place at the door.
Or so I thought.

"How may I help you?"
"Pray, what does your name mean?" I said with a small smile.
He chuckled.
"I am of mixed ethnicity, Ms. Hemendip", he said. "My father is from Yemen. Mother is from Mexico. They met under peculiar circumstances and brought me to England."
"That IS peculiar, if I do say so myself", I agreed.
He chuckled again. "So, how may I help?"
"I was wondering...if you'd happen to know where Shontelle Jay lives?"
"Do you mean the wife of Grey George?"
"The same, yes."
"Why, yes; I do!"
"Oh, splendid! May I have the address?"
"Yes, of course...but may I ask, if it isn't too personal, what...I mean...do you have some sort of business with her?"
"I do", I nodded. His expression told me that he wanted the details.
Douche.
I didn't say anything. Why would I give away my hatred for Shontelle Jay to a person called Humming Jambiya? :/
"I knew Shontelle Jay....intimately."
"Did you, now?" I was interested. I sat down on the bed and gestured him to do the same.
"Yes...she was my first love. I do not know why I tell you this. I feel that you can be trusted. You have the look of a trustworthy maiden."
Wow.
He was quite the dramatic talker. :P

"Do tell", I pushed him to it. What? I like dirt!

"Yes...she was there for me at a time when no one was. And then she left and married that arrogant doofus. Grey George. I will never forgive him for that", he added.
Oh, no one will, I thought to myself. But he is dead already, so who cares?

"Grey George is...dead", I said slowly.
He looked up, his eyes red. Ugh :/
"He is..?" He was shocked. Yet there was an odd tinge of pleasure. "But...how?"
"He was...murdered", I said, not sure why I let him know that.
"By whom?"
Gawd. Curious much? And I thought that was Curious George's job!

"I have no idea", I said. Normally, when people lie, there's such a thing as a conscience. But Zxy Hemendip is more than that.

Humming Jambiya wrote down an address on the pad lying on the nightstand. I took a look at it and turned to him.

"Are you going to meet her soon?"
"I suppose so, yes", I said.

With a final goodnight, he was gone.

I fell on the bed and slowly sank into a world of dreams.

And don't even talk to me about my dreams.

People have dreams that they can forget. I can't forget mine. They're just so weird.

Once, I had a dream that I am drowning in a green ocean with Lord James, snogging. All that can save us from drowning, is snogging.
That was back when I didn't like Lord James. So I hated these dreams. When I did like him, such dreams were appreciated.

Another time, I had a dream that I have an evil twin who happens to be a bellydancer, and is dancing for Grey George when all I want is for her to kill him.
I function better in reality, don't I?
My dreams just lose the efficiency of murder. :/
And the thing is, I dream about people i speak to/about before going to bed.
So, I could have a dream about Shontelle, Grey or Humming.
And none of that would be cool.

So I slept and I did have a dream.
Not as strange as always, but worth recording.
I am in America.
I know, weird.
I am in America and two Indian restaurants have closed down. So I have nowhere to go to. So I move on a little further, and find Lord James. That really gets me sad. There is no food, I am starving, and I have James with me. FML.
So, anyway...I move on and find a raised platform.
There he is.
Humming Jambiya.
Performing a dance that would come to be known as breakdancing.

I woke up with a start.
Not because Humming Jambiya was dancing. But because of the rap-rap-rap on my door.

I opened the door, looking as cranky as I do in the morning.

"Breakfast, ma'am", said the woman at the door. "Complementary, from Mr. Humming Jambiya."
Ah, crap.
"Thank you", I said as she arranged it on the table and left.
Dayum.
Whyyyy??

I ate anyway :P
I was starving. I hadn't had a proper meal in ages.
And the food he had sent over was delicious, I had to agree.

Avoiding Humming Jambiya, I managed to sneak out of the place and make my way towards what I like to call, The Murder House.
Why, you ask?
Well, isn't it obvious?
That's where Shontelle was murdered.

I hadn't actually thought of killing her right away.
I mean, I knew that I was angry with her.
She tried to get with MY Grey.
Of course, she probably didn't get to, considering his orientation (we had our thing because it's me. I'm awesome everywhere :D)
But even so.

I called out to a passing carriage driver.
"Dashton Street, please", I said to him.
We started off and I wondered what I'd see there. I didn't know what this Shontelle Jay woman looked like. In my head, she was ugly and fat.
No offence, Shontelle.
Actually, yes offence.
You stole my first love from me.
Witch -.-

We reached Dashton Street in another seven minutes or so, and when I got to the apartment Shontelle was supposed to be in, I realised that it was locked.
"Ugh, save me, Beelzebub", I said to myself.

"Zxy?" I heard a voice from behind me.
Oh, crap.
Who is it, now?

I turned.
It was a man. Obviously.
A man I didn't know. Obviously.
He was bespectacled and uncommonly tall.
Like really, really tall.
Standing next to him made me look like a midget.
Then I remembered.
I knew who he was!
Beelzeub had finally answered my prayers of helping me meet one of those two creeps!

"Andre...Murdoch?" I gasped out of shock.
Yeah, Andre was one of my most hated friends since school.
Okay, so not technically my friend if I hated him and he hated me (oh, believe me; he hated me.)
"I'm glad you remember me", he said, vigorously shaking my hand.
I just smiled and didn't say anything.
"What are you doing here in Lancaster?"
"Well...I'm meeting someone."
"Shontelle Jay?"
"How did you know?!"
"You're standing right by her apartment. It was sort of..obvious", he smiled. In the inside, I knew he was mocking me.
Douchebag.

"She isn't here", he continued. "Her husband died. His funeral is being held at Northampton. That's where she is."
"Oh...I am so sorry for her loss", I lied :P
"How have you been. Zxy? It feels like it's been ages!"
"Well, it had been quite some time...but I suppose we all lose touch at some point after school."
"I suppose we do."
"So, how is your wife?"
"Patricia? She is quite alright...we've all been good."
"All?"
"Yes...do you remember Mario Snako?"

I did.
Gawd. Talk about people I happen to know and remember.
Mario Snako was another bloke we went to school with. He was a weird fellow, too. Somehow, his power of communication strengthened through letters and notes, but he couldn't talk to anyone face to face. Actually, he couldn't talk to me much. We hardly had things to talk about.
Eh.

"I do."
"Well, he is our neighbour, and we are quite a group of friends, the three of us."

"How nice it must be", I said, trying to give him the signal that I HAD to leave.
"Would you like to come with me and meet my wife? Patricia would be glad to meet you", he added.
Crap.
I was majorly annoyed with Patricia.
The douche-woman.
Patricia and Andre were totally made for each other.
When they had newly embarked upon their love affair, I had said, not meaning well, "The two of you aren't made for each other. You ARE each other."
They took that as a compliment.

And Andre had the weirdest thing of saying my name again and again.
Not in the wrong way (God, I hope not), but just generally. Whenever he'd see me, he'd go "Zxy".
And Patricia would follow. I knew about several lovers from her past, and somehow, she would turn into them or really start defending them, and that would annoy the crap out of Zxy and Hemendip, both :P.

You'd think this isn't a reason good enough to be annoyed with her, but you'd be wrong.
She had a strange fixation with my boobs.
So much so, she tried to give them names. -.-
Who does that? -.-

So, it wasn't surprising that I wasn't particularly keen on meeting her.
But I said yes anyway. I like being nice to people. Can't just say no, can I?
Besides, how much could one visit hurt?

Apparently, a lot.

But I didn't know that -.-

So I walked along with Andre. Apparently, he lived in Grey's neighbourhood.

And thank Beelzebub I found him when I did, 'cause he told me some very interesting things.

"So, what brings you here?" he started.
"Unfinished business...quite trivial, really. Wouldn't bore you with it."
"Oh...may I ask how you know Mrs. George?"
"I am not particularly well acquainted with her...I merely knew that she was married to Grey before he died."
"Pitiful affair...died so young. They say he was murdered", he added, expecting me to be shocked.
But I changed the topic anyway.
"I never heard of Grey's wedding, you know."
"Yes, well...it was a solemn and quiet affair. Not many knew. Who could, under those circumstances?"
"I don't understand..."
"Well, they eloped. It was a pitiful affair with the parents, too..."
"Oh, dear...what happened?"
"Well...she was not very agreeable in her mannerisms, I was told. And he was rather....distracted.Not likely to be constant to Shontelle. They knew it, but were too egoistic to admit it. By the end, they were already drifting apart. But it was pitiful indeed that Grey had to die young."

Yeah, okay.

"I had no inkling..." I said.

A few apartments later, we reached number 17. Upon entering, Patricia ran out to greet Andre, and was quite taken aback to find me. Nevertheless, she found the will to hug me and kiss me on the cheeks, saying, "Zxy! Oh, how I missed you! Mario is here, too!"

Yay.

We proceeded into the living room...and boy, it was a pitiful affair -.-

Mario wouldn't say anything more than "Hello, Zxy; how've you been? It's quite wonderful to meet you again after so many years"
Patricia wouldn't stop giggling.
Andre wouldn't stop talking.
"Oh, do you remember how we were in school!?" Patricia and Andre asked me.
Uh, yeah I do.
"Zxy, you were the sweetest!" Patricia said.
"Yes, quite sweet", Andre agreed. "At one point, I had the strangest desire to rape you."
I looked up.
Say what?

"Oh, yes", Patricia nodded. "He once came to me and said that he found you so sweet, he wanted to rape you. He was quite in love with you!"

Eh?
What the Beelzebub is wrong with that guy?!
How is Patricia still talking?
More importantly, why am I still here?

Apparently, Mario felt the same.
So when he suggested a walk in the garden, I was more than willing to get out of there.

"You shouldn't mind them", Mario said. "They are sort of strange that way."
"So how have you been? You hardly seem to talk", I added with a small smile.
"Yes, well...so how is your James?"
"My James is long gone, Mr. Snako", I said, a little grave now. For the sake of it.
"Oh. Very sorry, Zxy."

And that was the end of our conversation.

I left soon after that.
But upon returning to the site of the winery, I found Humming waiting.
Gawd.
He was prancing so much, for a minute I thought it was Patricia again.

I went up to my room, after smiling at him and sharing a casual word. I wished I had a good book to read.
It had been so long.

I was just about to get to sleep when someon knocked at the door.
I decided then and there, if it's Humming, he's dead.
And I mean dead-dead.

It wasn't him.
Dayum. :P

It was Patricia Pollock.

What the beelze?

"Patricia? What are you doing here?"
"I'm sorry, Zxy, I just...wanted to apologise for anything wrong that I may have said."
"Oh...that is quite alright, Patricia."
"I do mean it", she continued.

"I don't speak against that", I agreed.

Just then, Humming, who was on his way to the pantry upstairs, caught sight of us.
Now, you'd think he'd just smile and walk away because he can't talk much, but you'd be wrong. He'd stop, come to you, take a look at Patricia, grin and start hitting on her.
"Zxy, you never mentioned your pretty friend", he said.

Oh, now I'm Zxy? -.-
Miss Hemendip to you, Jambiya.

I scowled.

They continued to giggle till it was evident they had hit it off really annoyingly well.

After that, she just left and I was happy for the first time that I had met Humming. He drove Patricia away :D

Wow, they really were meant for each other.

That night, I didn't sleep well.
I dreamed that Shontelle Jay would get me.
Not that she could, no. I am Zxy Hemendip, and she is...just a mortal.

I woke up the next morning, determined to sort things out between me and Shontelle.
By sorting, I mean having a duel. Except that in this one, it was a sure thing that I'd win.
Not because I had my father's gun with me, but because I was so much better.

"How may I help you?" she said as her house maid led me to her living room.

"I am Zxy Hemendip, Ms. Jay. Your dead husband's...intimate friend."
She froze.
Oh, look at that, she knew who I was!

"How can I help?"
"I need some information, Ms. Jay."
"Do tell."
"Why did you marry Grey?"
"I beg your pardon?" Naturally, she was mad.
"Why did you marry Grey?"
"My husband is...dead. It is highly insensitive of you to talk in this manner", she started to sob.
Gawd.
"I don't mean to be insensitive. But don't you think it was insensitive of you to marry the man I loved?"
"The man you loved? You have plenty of men to love you, I hear."
"How dare you speak to me like that?!"
"Ms. Hemendip, I don't need to justify myself."
"You do. Grey loved me."
"He didn't love you. He loved only me", she said. Poor, disillusioned Shontelle.
"He loved no woman, Ms. Jay", I insisted.
"Ms. Hemendip, I must ask you to leave", she stood up, ready to lead me out.
"He loved only Zed Smith", I continued anyway.
And then the worst thing happened.
The worst thing ever.
She slapped me.
That witch slapped me.
So I slapped her back.
Then she slapped me again.
And we continued to hit each other till it turned serious.
And you'd think I wouldn't strangle her to death, but I would.
I did, it was lovely :D

She was right there, and I just grabbed her neck and held it tight. I could see her turning blue. She couldn't speak. No oxygen supply. She was trying to scream. But no one heard anything. It was a quiet affair. No one would ever know what happened to Shontelle Jay.
But that meant that I had committed another murder.
Damn.
Now I had to hide her.
Or...I could just run away.
I had my huge bonnet on, it wasn't like the house maid had seen me.
So I jumped out of the window and tried to get the hell out of there ASAP.
But who should I run into? -.-
Mario Snako.
Boy. That really wasn't my day.

"I am invited to the Murdochs' for tea. Why don't you accompany us?"

Can't say no, can I?
Besides, Mario hadn't exactly done much damage to me or himself. So, he was okay.
Safe. For now. :P

We proceeded towards their apartment with real things to talk about. He was comforting and caring and told me a little about his life's sorrows and joys.
I actually started considering him as a friend.

Since Mario was always there, he opened the door of the apartment and went in casually.

But no one was to be seen.

Why would you invite someone for tea and not be home? :/
Suddenly, there was the sound of smashing glass and we ran towards where the sound came from. It appeared to be their bedroom.
And dear God, was that Humming inside? :O

"You stole Patricia from me", Andre was saying. "I'll kill you. I'll kill you!"
"Andre, please! No!" Patricia was moaning. "I love Humming! I am sorry!"
"Bah...humbug! Andre's words hardly matter! It's you, Patricia, that my life is all about!"
"Arghhh!" Andre said, and smashed a flower vase.
So, that explained the smashing noises.
Upon taking a closer look, I saw that Humming was stripped down to his waist and Patricia was covered in sheets.
Wow, Humming was quick.

Then I don't know what happened, but Andre realised we were there.
He turned to me.
"You introduced Patricia to Humming. I'll kill you. I'll kill you!"

That's it. No one says "i'll kill you" to me and gets away with it.

The room was full of noise again, all three of them shouting, Mario looking on cluelessly. It was so freaking annoying. Like my head was full of buzzing bees. :/
I grew so mad, I took out my gun.
I decided to take some air shots and get them to be silent.
Then I decided...oh, what the hell? Can't hurt to shoot one of them.
And I did :D
In the order of how much they annoyed me.
Andre, Patricia, Humming.
All dead and gone.
Except Humming was really gone. I couldn't find the douche's body anywhere. Strange. :/
Anyhoo, i was overjoyed that there was Silence once again.
I laughed heartily.
I scared myself a little.

Then I realised Mario was there too.
Crap :/

"What did you do, Zxy?" Mario was, in the world of emoticons, ":O".
"Don't mention this to anyone", I said.
"Zxy...this is wrong."

I still had one bullet left.
Had Mario not been such a wuss, it probably would have remained there.
But he did.
So it was bye-bye Snako! :P